Thursday, April 22, 2010

An Open really, really mean person...

Dear evil thief who keeps stealing my Diet Coke's at work,

I HATE YOU! No, seriously...I do. I know hate is a strong word. I was taught not to use it. But you keep freakin stealing my Diet Cokes. WHHHHHYYYYY????? Why do you have to do it on those days when I'm having a really bad day and am in need of a Diet Coke? Why do you steal at all? Why are you so dishonest and unethical?

I'm sorry if you can't afford the $0.75 machine in our kitchen. That's why I bring my own. So I don't have to spend so much. But then YOU keep stealing from I end up not saving any money anyway!

I'm a nice enough person, and I don't steal from you. I even buy candy and put it on my desk for the entire building to come enjoy! Sometimes I even bake treats! So, why steal from me? Seriously???

I just want you to know, in this open letter to whoever you are, that I lick all of my Diet Coke cans PRIOR TO putting them in the kitchen. So...that means you are getting a bunch of my slobbery spit when you steal my drinks? Revenge? I think not. I call that justice! If you get sick...its your own damn fault for being a thieving liar! That's the price you pay for dishonesty! So take that, sucka!

I realize I'm being harsh. But that's because I'm a victim. And when something as precious as a Diet Coke is stolen...well...there's no more Miss Nice Girl!

Stop stealing from me. Its not very nice.


PS - To my readers. I'm frustrated. I like open letters. I think this will be a new regular on my blog.

1 comment:

AprilJ said...

How did I miss this entry? You should write, with sharpie, on the bottom of the can "This can of DC was stoled from the Fabulous Miss Sheri Pape". That would be HILARIOUS! Stupid diet coke thief.