Wednesday, March 10, 2010

An Open Letter to my Idiot Neighbor

Dear Idiot Neighbor,

Today you have almost topped you stupidest parking position ever…or in the year I have lived down the street from you. I remember one other time where you actually parked worse than you did last night, believe it or not. But today, amidst the wind and rain, you have realized your second all-time worst parking job ever.

Though, neighbor, I applaud your lack of rules and consideration for everyone who lives around you. I, for one, am a rule follower. I like to park my car in the garage, as to not block the street or obstruct the view of our street. And I do have to admit that other neighbors park along the street, and I can understand the need for more parking, however…you have no other cars and/or other inanimate objects in your driveway. One would think one could at least pull all the way in.

I have come to two possible conclusions about your lack of parking abilities. First, you are suffering from some uncontrollable substance addiction that impairs your ability to operate a moving vehicle properly. If that is the case, please stay off the road and seek help. I, or anyone else in our small town, would hate to meet you on a street one night and risk peril to either of us or our vehicles.

The second is that you are plainly an idiot. I’m sorry if my words seem harsh or unsympathetic, but I cannot otherwise figure out why you would choose to park so poorly nearly every night. Maybe you can’t drive. Maybe your grandfather or father never taught you how. If that’s the case, I am terribly sorry, but take driving lessons. I’m sure there are still some driver’s ed teachers at one of the high schools in the area. It shouldn’t be that hard to find someone to show you the rules of the road.

In the meantime, I will offer disapproving glances and curse words under my breath as I drive by your house. There may even be some fist shaking from time to time. But one thing is for sure, I will continue to loathe your parking methods until one day, one sweet day, you actually learn how to drive.



Can said...

I love how you signed this with kisses and hugs.

Sher said...

Ha ha! I figured it was one way to soften the meaness! : )